The Long Road To The Top: How Bursting Into Various Boardrooms And Shouting, Thats Where I Come In! Eventually Got Me A Job As A CEO At A Fortune 500 Company

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I’m not embarrassed to say that I’ve got it all: the corner office with my name on the door, the private jet, the black card, the villa on the Riviera, and, yes, more money than I know what to do with. And I’m not ashamed, because everything I have I earned the hard way, through […]

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How Many Of These Ways Have You Passive-Aggressively Suggested To Your Neighbor That He Shrink His Children Down To The Size Of Ants?

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You and your neighbor get along just fine, but his kids are regular-size, and that’s got to change. How many of these ways have you subtly tried to let your neighbor know he should consider really shrinking his kids down until they’re the size of ants? Our state-of-the-art quizzes require JavaScript. Pointing to his ant […]

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Youre Santa! Can You Master The Sleigh And Deliver Gifts To All The Good Boys And Girls?

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This feature requires JavaScript to function. This is you. You’re Santa Claus. I’m definitely Santa Claus, but unfortunately, I need to explode right away. You’ve been lying unconscious on the frigid tundra of the North Pole since last Christmas. In order to make sure you didn’t starve during your year-long slumber, arctic pelicans have been […]

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Can You Turn The Tables And Recruit The Jehovahs Witness At Your Door To Come Inside And Watch HBO Porn With Some Pals?

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A Jehovah’s Witness is standing at your door trying to convince you to dedicate your life to God while your crew is inside enjoying a nice afternoon watching softcore HBO pornography. Can you turn the tables and recruit the Jehovah’s Witness at your door to come enjoy some porn with some buds? Take the quiz […]

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Power Move: Purell Just Announced That If The Catholic Church Doesnt Start Selling Indulgences Again, They Will

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Ever since the Protestant Reformation forced an end to the Catholic Church’s practice of selling indulgences to reduce the penalties of one’s sin, Christians have had to rely on prayer as their only means of repentance. However, one company is looking to change that, as Purell just announced that if the Catholic Church doesn’t start […]

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Customer Service FTW: Best Buy Is Constructing 40,000 Terra-Cotta Geek Squad Agents To Fix Its Customers Computers In The Afterlife

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All right, now THIS is a business we can get behind! Best Buy has always been committed to its customers, and now it’s taken the extra step to make sure they’re covered in the afterlife: The electronics retail giant has begun production of 40,000 terra-cotta Geek Squad agents to fix its customers’ computers in heaven. […]

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Its Your First Day On Wall Street

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This feature requires JavaScript to function. Buy money. Do stocks. Learn about how stocks happen. Nice call. Should we hit the trading floor, then, or would you like to diversify your portfolio first? Or perhaps you’d like to learn a little about how stocks work? Diversify portfolio. Bet big! Shout! Go home. Yes! You’re doing […]

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